Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Randomize
