saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
