he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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