ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
