I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
