He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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