I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
