i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
He is an equal opportunity slut.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
