woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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