idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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