Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
