Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
