I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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