I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
