I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
