No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
