I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
