I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
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thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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