her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
