I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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