I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
