My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
