Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
