Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
True strength comes from lack of pants
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
