White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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