I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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