Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
