M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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