Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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