That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
