I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
