ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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