I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
