And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
