I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
