he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
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I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Dear god my vagina.
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