Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
