The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
