I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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