I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
