can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
