blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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