Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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