Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
