Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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