I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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