genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
