My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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