I just pynch a tree in the face
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Even my vagina gasped.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize