Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
