I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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