first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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