So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
