i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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