your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
