i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
