Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
