So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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