I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
