I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
