i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
