Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
