You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
