Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
this just has baby written all over it
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
